Advice, Validation, and the Difference Between the Two
One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is how often we say we want advice when what we really want is validation. I’ve been guilty of it myself more than once.
Sometimes we ask for someone’s opinion because we’re genuinely undecided. Other times, if we’re being honest, we’ve already made up our minds and we’re hoping the people around us will confirm that we’re making the right choice. The interesting part comes when they don’t.
When someone we trust gives us an answer we weren’t expecting, what happens next?
Do we immediately explain why they’re wrong?
Do we seek out three more opinions until someone tells us what we wanted to hear in the first place?
Or do we sit with the discomfort for a minute and ask ourselves if there might be something worth considering?
I’ve learned that growth often hides in those most uncomfortable moments.
Not every opinion is right. Not every piece of advice should be followed. Sometimes instincts are absolutely correct and we should trust them.
But I’ve also learned that some of the most valuable lessons in my life have come from feedback I didn’t particularly enjoy hearing at the time.
As a REALTOR®, instructor, mentor, and honestly just as a person trying to navigate life the best I can, I see this play out all the time.
Sometimes the house someone loves isn’t actually the best fit for their goals.
Sometimes a seller’s pricing strategy isn’t helping them.
Sometimes an agent doesn’t need to work harder; they need to work differently.
Sometimes the dress does make my butt look big.
Sometimes I don’t need someone to tell me I’m right. I need someone to help me see something I’m missing.
That can be hard on the ego.
The people I admire most are the ones who can hear a different perspective without becoming defensive. They’re willing to consider information that challenges their thinking. They stay curious. I’ve found that curiosity usually serves us better than certainty.
I strive to be that curious person. I want to consider other perspectives that might make me become better. If I’m still certain, then no harm done.
The older I get, the more I realize that growth rarely happens inside an echo chamber.
And some of the people who care about us the most aren’t the ones who always tell us what we want to hear. They’re the ones who care enough to tell us the truth kindly. If you’ve been that person to me, thank you!